http://stuffindonesianslike.blogspot.com/
(RIP OFF!)
Stuff Indonesians Like #1: RICE
Indonesians love rice. We cannot live without it. Some of us eat rice for breakfast.
We have many kinds of breakfast varieties made from rice among which are, nasi uduk (rice cooked in coconut milk), nasi goreng (fried rice), bubur ayam (rice porridge with chicken), ketoprak (rice cake with soya, tofu and peanut sauce and lontong sayur (rice cake with vegetable coconut curry).
We think rice is God's gift to man-kind. Some of us also think there is a rice God, which is why you will find some Indonesians who keep a small jar of rice under the sink or those who will never let their rice containers empty. These practices are done to ensure the abundance of money to buy more rice for them in the future. You think “superstitious”, we think “common sense”.
Most Indonesians will never leave rice on their plates in a meal because we think rice is a living being that are able to cry if we don’t eat them. When we die and stand before God on judgment day, the thousands of rice we did not eat will cry and report us to God who will be so angry and throw us in hell. So you can imagine people who don’t eat rice. Hell hath no fury like a rice thrown away. (People who throw rice away at weddings, beware!)
We also think rice is like the Switzerland, neutral. You can eat rice with sweet dishes, spicy dishes, tasty dan salty dishes, watery dishes, dried dishes. It tastes good fried, steamed, microwaved and baked.
Many Indonesians feel that sandwiches, burgers, noodles, pizza, potatoes and other non-rice entities are snacks, therefore it is common to see a person eating a plate of rice 10 minutes after eating a bowl of noodles. “Because noodles is not a meal, it’s a snack”, or “I am hungry despite the noodles, because I haven’t had any rice”, or “I will be sick if I don’t eat rice” are common answers you will hear when you ask them why they rice after they have just eaten a Big Mac or a Whopper and fries.
With high nutrients, rice is rich in carbohydrates, the main sources of energy, low in fat, contains some protein and plenty of B vitamins. Among other nutrients, rice is a good source of insoluble fiber, which is also found in whole wheat, brand and nuts. Insoluble fiber reduces the risk of bowel disorders and fights constipation.
Besides fighting constipation, eating rice enables us to fight crime, corruption, stupidity and eradicate poverty. Oh wait, that's brown rice, Indonesians eat white rice which explains why all the above is still apparent in Indonesia.
When you visit an Indonesian's home, you will find that most, if not all, of them own at least one rice cooking device. We are so used to this device that many of us do not know how to cook rice otherwise. Fortunately for those living in Indonesia, food vendors pass by every 5 minutes offering many dishes involving rice, for those whose electricity is cut/cannot cook rice without a ricecooker/cannot cook rice period. Indonesians overseas who cannot cook and have discovered Uncle Ben’s microwaved rice think Uncle Ben is smarter than Einstein.
Stuff Indonesians Like #2: Domestic Helpers
Indonesians like having domestic helpers. We love them. Actually, this might even fall into the category of stuff Indonesians in Indonesia can’t live without.
The average middle-class Indonesian households have at least one maid. Many have two or three, and I actually know people who have more than 5 maids in their houses in addition to gardeners, drivers, security guards and baby sitters (many, for not being able to speak english very well, refer to themselves as “baby sisters”).
While it is obvious what a driver, a gardener, a security guard and a baby sitter does, it is not so clear what a maid does. The average maid will basically do cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing. Some maids become also a confidante (for lonely housewives who has no friend), a personal shopper, a psychiatrist (for lonely housewives whose friends are backstabbing bitches), a shopping buddy, a masseur, a courier/messenger, a spy (for jealous wives with cheating husbands) and for the lucky few, they end up as their employer’s wife.
As a heritage of the Dutch colonialism and ancient Indonesian kingdoms, the amount of your domestic helpers is a likely indication of how rich you are. When you go to an Indonesian’s house and the owner opens the door, the house owner will be regarded as poor. When a maid opens the door it is common. When there is a security guard in front of the house who goes in to inform the owner of the house who will in turn tell the maid to open the door, the house owner will be regarded as a rich person.
When you go to a house with a speaker phone at the front asking you who you are; followed by a jongos (usually an old man whose sole purpose is to hang around and keep an eye on things and open the gates) who looks at you and yells at 2 or more security guards to confirm that you are not dangerous/robbers/armed gunmen; followed by the guards informing the maids of the guest, who will then inform the home owner’s personal assistant/sister/brother of your arrival, who will at last ask the home owners whether they will accept you, (or not); followed by the personal assistant telling the maids to inform the security guards who will ask the jongos to take a look at you one more time before letting you in (or not), you will know that the home owner is not a paranoid lunatic but simply, a very rich, respectable and important person (VRRIP).
Some Indonesians have one maid for each of their children. Their
Indonesian domestic helpers careers are not only in the country, but overseas as well, with high wages of millions of rupiahs per month. Some of them are even bi/multilingual, with the ability to speak English/Malay/Bruneian/Chinese or Arabic in addition to Indonesian (and their local dialects). These are the “successful domestic helpers” (SDH).
SDHs are not only the ones who work overseas, those who work for the VRRIPs are also SDHs. Some of the SDHs actuallyl have maids of their own at their homes in their villages. Not only as a necessity, but also a way to show their neighbors of how successful they are as domestic helpers in big cities/other countries.
The average Indonesian living in Indonesia's worst nightmare is on Lebaran (The Muslim's Holy day of Aidl Fitri), when all their maids will be gone back to their families who they celebrate Lebaran with, and they are stuck doing household chores themselves. Rich Indonesians will usually enlist the help of their poor families or hire temps from temp agencies.
Stuff Indonesians Like #3: Designer Brands
Indonesians like designer brands. The fondness of designer brands is not limited to women but also to men, and now more than ever, kids are starting to feel the need for designer brands too, whether toys or shoes or clothes.
When you find yourself in a crowd of Indonesians, it is always good to sport one or two designer items, better if they are adorned by a very famous monogram.Some Indonesians will ask where you buy your stuff and how much it cost. If you are
To get our attention and approval, it is imperative that you go all “Gossip Girl”-y and insist you bought your designer branded items at wholesale price. Throwing in stuff like, “I can’t be bothered to go to an outlet store,” or, “I really needed the purse/watch/shoes/dress for an event that week that I simply cannot wait until the sale season!” in the conversation is always a good thing to up your coolness. But if you really want to gain our respect you can say things – casually, of course - like this, "Oh I got it at a vintage store in Paris/Milan/London two summers ago." This way, although you are divulging information about how your stuff was not bought at wholesale price, you will appear more sophisticated and 'in the know'.
Very Kate Moss and Sienna Miller-ish.
If you want to be accepted into an Indonesian clique AND be well-liked, you have to be able to do all the above while at the same time still able to show a hint of humility by, for example, complimenting our designer branded stuff. We like people who make us feel good about ourselves and we like to be admired.
One Indonesian faux-pas is be seen with a counterfit/replica designer item. If you cannot afford buying the real thing, NEVER go for fake. It is better to go down a class or two and wear stuff in the class of DKNY, Guess, Liz Claiborne and Kenneth Cole. Although we will not make a big fuss about you, you will still be able to sit with us and listen in to our conversations while feeling slightly inferior.
While we go crazy for famous high end brands like Gucci, Prada and LV, those of us who are smart and not from the nouveau riche group or the nouveau riche wannabe make sure we do not wear the ‘obvious’ or branded stuff for the common people. We go old school and obviously very expensive. Some of the brands best represents that are Hermès, Chanel, Cartier or Valentino.
The more ‘cultured’ and ‘traveled’ Indonesians are especially proud to sport obscure and exclusive designer brands, one that is not too widely known or easy to come across in Indonesia. Nicole Farhi, Jil Sanders, Vivienne Westwood, Alexander McQueen and Badgley Mischka are to name a few.
Some Indonesians take pride in their ability to know designer names by heart, even the most obscure ones. If you want to get in their good graces, be sure to be in awe of that person’s ability to recite and perfectly pronounce difficult foreign designer names. They will immediately take a liking to you.
But better yet, show your admiration and at the same time show them you are also up to date with designer news by saying things like, “Yes, I absolutely loooove Ann Demeulemeester’s fall line-up,” or, “I am surprised you are familiar with zac posen, I haven’t met many Indonesians who were!” make sure you exaggerate your surprise/admiration a bit to make us feel even better about ourselves. Throwing in designer gossip/news and tidbits will get you the ultimate recognition nod. Of course, you must NEVER seem better than us, remember, showing a certain level of humility will still be the best way into our clique.
Stuff Indonesians Like #4: Having Well-Behaved Children
Indonesians like to have well-behaved children so much that we have various
Although the following methods are more common among the older generation, some of us still use it due to the high success rate of the methods in question. One of the most proven methods of which is to
Disciplinary Methods
When we are caught doing something we're not supposed to, some of us may experience the occasional well intentioned, albeit painful, rattan/belt/stick lashings; some might have been used to several hours of being locked in a room for the beneficial 'introspection and self-reflection'; some parents prefer to pinch, ear tug or humiliate their child but most felt the need to inflict some kind of pain in order to make their children regret their poor judgment/wrongdoing and promise themselves not to ever do it again.
In most cases, these children will still do whatever it is their parents told them not to do, but they will come up with ingenious and inventive ways as to not get caught. More often than not, these children will grow to be tough bullies or bad boys or tough and slightly slutty girls (and some 'special' boys, slutty as well). You might think our parents' rough way is some form of child abuse, but make no mistake, we don't hate our parents. In fact, many of us swap beating stories and regard this as normal.
Parents from the younger generation are fans of Dr. Phil and Oprah, some read Deepak Chopra's book and are not big believers of child beatings anymore. Instead, they use ' child psychology' and will not lay a hand on their children, which is why you will find many children in Indonesian malls these days who do anything they want, while their
Passing down ancient cultural/folk stories
Most Indonesians have
To keep the doorway free, girls are told not to sit in it because girls who do, will not be desired by any men for marriage (I have known many girls who sat under one despite the 'scary' story and ended up having 2, 3 husbands). To keep children from running around outside after dark children are told that after sunset child snatcher ghosts roam around to look for prey. To keep us from having appendicitis from eating fruit seeds we were told if we swallowed a fruit seed, a tree will grow on our heads. To keep their children from gastric reflux or gastritis parents tell children not to lie down or sleep after a meal if they don't want their heads swollen up like a big balloon.
Those are just some sample stories we might have heard growing up. It seems Indonesian parents prefer fantastic stories rather than common sense when it comes to educating their children. Maybe it was done in hopes that their children have extraordinary imagination and be the next Stephen King, M. Night Shyamalan or even just one of the Punjabi producer brothers (anything as long as the money's good).
Having
Indonesian parents will never let their children grow up like white children.
Stuff Indonesians Like # 5: Being Friendly
We Indonesians take pride in our friendliness and our willingness to be as friendly and accommodating as possible, even if it means
We have somewhat different standards when it comes to being friendly. Foreigners might think we are
Some of us are extremely interested in foreigners, white foreigners. When we see one we like to bombard him/her with questions. You might meet one or twenty of us who might ask you personal questions on the first day of meeting.
Questions such as:
What is your religion?
Are you married?
with an Indonesian?
Are your kids from a white father/mother or from and Indonesian one?
Why are one of your kids brown and the other one so pale?
and so on and so forth.
We might let out statements and questions we think are appropriate, appreciative or complimentary such as; "So, you must be rich!" or, "Do you have a swimming pool?" or, "You're a white person, so how much do you make a month?" and even, "it must be easy for you to get girls with all the money you have!" We would most likely smile innocently while saying/asking these things because we really were complimenting you. Indonesians are not familiar with the wily and sarcastic ways of the west, with all the sneering, sly grinning and false/slick smiling. We are warm, honest and sincere individuals.
When you have Indonesian friends you have hung out with several times, the questions and statements will become even more personal. But it's because we think of you as a very good friend by then. Maybe even a bestfriend!
If you haven't seen us in a while, when we meet again you might hear things like: "Ooh you're so fat now!" or "You look older, is that wrinkles I see?" or "Are you losing hair?" or the combination of two or all the questions/statement above usually followed by a head tilt, sympathetic face and a "What happened to you?"
Do not, under any circumstances, reject an Indonesian's offer of hospitality no matter how menial or humble it may be. To do so is to cause pain in our hearts. Not only are we warm individuals, we live to please others, be friendly and extra accommodating. Anybody who says otherwise is a fool.
Stuff Indonesians Like #6: Jazz
Indonesians love Jazz, even if we don't understand the music. We love Jazz so much we are willing to sit through an excruciatingly long fusion jazz concert, while holding in our yawn and secretly wish we have several matchsticks to jam in our eyes and hold them open.
What we love more than pretending to love Jazz is attending Jazz Festivals. Some Indonesians will go as far as attend Jazz Festivals around the world, after which they will casually throw in their experience into their conversations.
If you are unsure of how to appear like a know-all of jazz and have no time to do research, you can always say neutral remarks like this, "Yeah, I went to the Montreux Jazz Festival, it was great!" (although you have to realise nowadays the artists performing in this festival aren't exclusively Jazz musicians anymore, but pop, rock, rn'b etc)
If you know a bit about jazz and happen to know names of great unknown jazz musicans you can say things like this, "North Sea Jazz Festival was awesome! I had such a great time watching [...insert obscure jazz musician name here...]" Remember, the more obscure the better. It will be a win for you if the name you mentioned is unheard of by those you are having the conversation with.
If you have the time to do research about jazz, do throw in obscure names and don't forget to study who those musicians' influences are and throw their names in as well. Something like this, "Yeah I saw [...obscure jazz musician/group here...] at the montreal/umbria/monterey jazz festival. Their performance reminded so much of [...miles davis/bb king/duke ellington...]"
Remember, as much as Indonesians don't understand Jazz, we will go at arm's length to make sure we appear to love it. That is why we now even have our own Jazz Festival, which is quite a big event in South East Asia. The JakJazz/Java Jazz Festival in Indonesia is so lucrative to the promoters of the event because each year the number of visitors increase, regardless of them actually enjoying/understanding the music or not.
Stuff Indonesians Like #7: Being Fluent in a Foreign Language
Indonesians really like to be fluent in a foreign language. English is the most popular language we like to be fluent in, with Chinese and Dutch on second and third place. Indonesians who speak French will also be envied by many.
We all know how being fluent in a foreign language is good for our jobs and career, but one thing Indonesians value more than that is their social life, and foreign languages really boost our position in the social strata, especially when we learn the language while living overseas.
You will find many Indonesians in restaurants or malls who speak mixed languages. There are those who speak Engdonesian™ (English-Indonesian), Mandonesian™ (Mandarin-Indonesian) and even Duthonesian™ (Dutch-Indonesian), the latter usually spoken by older Indonesians who are either products of Dutch-Indonesian mix marriages or who spent their childhood in Catholic schools with Dutch speaking nuns and whatnot.
Some Indonesians do not only like being fluent in a foreign language but do so up to a point of not being able to speak Bahasa Indonesia anymore. There are those who have lived overseas for so long - for example two years - that they have to dig deep when trying to converse with their fellow Indonesians in their mother tongue.
What Indonesians like more than being fluent in a foreign language is dissing fellow Indonesians who are not very fluent in a foreign language, especially those who have lived/been living overseas for sometime and still do not have the grasp of the local lingo. But we also diss those who have never been abroad and cannot speak a foreign language very well, just because it's funny and just because we can.
If you are a foreigner and would like to have Indonesians welcome you with open arms, learn a few Indonesian words, use it and you will instantly be accepted. If you are white, you don't need to do a thing, you will instantly be accepted even if you are an ass, just because we love your language and we would like to practice our conversational skills with you.
Stuff Indonesians Like #8: Light Skin
The previous poll showed how 'light skin' is preffered by 8 people to be the next topic. So here it is.
Indonesian girls like having light skin. We obsess about it. Why? Because our culture dictates so. This is deeply embedded within our society that we think having light skin can change our lives and improve it dramatically. This obsession is not only among the majority of the lower class, but surprisingly among the middle and upper class too.
You might never see a woman (or man) walking with an umbrella in broad daylight in your country, but in Indonesia, it's the norms. Some of us make a point to never go out in broad daylight. Some call it life deprivation, we call it sense and sensibility.
We think having light skin, especially for a girl, is better than winning the lottery. It's better because it's genetic lottery. Having this particular trait will ensure our life happiness because the lighter we are, the richer man we may get as our husbands.
While having a (natural) tan among white people is more desirable - it shows how one is able to afford to have vacations in a warmer climate - Indonesians feel light and pale skin is more 'high class' because dark skin is associated with those who do manual work under the sun.
Indonesian women also wish to have light skin because Indonesian men love women with light skin. Indonesian men, however dark their skin might be, prefer the light skinned over the dark ones any day. This is one of the pressures among young dark skinned girl which will drive her to spend millions of rupiahs she cannot afford to go to doctors to lighten their skin color.
Indonesians will go at arms length to ensure having lighter skin, including utilizing dangerous cancer-inducing lightening creams. There are many warnings about these so-called creams, but we don't care, we feel having light skin is worth the danger of cancer. At least with cancerous light skin we will finally get a man, while having cancer free dark skin will get us nowhere.
Although umbrellas and hats are in common use among Indonesians to protect us from the sun, we seemed to not yet discover the use of sunblocks and we are not familiar with creams with SPF. This is because as a nation we strive to look good and nothing else is more important.
Stuff Indonesians Like #9: Sinetron
Sinetron (abbreviated from Sinema Elektronik – Electronic Cinema) - an equivalent of soap opera in the U.S, or a telenovela in Spain - has become a part of the lives of average Indonesians.
Just like your typical telenovela, the story in a sinetron is mostly about:
a. love between a rich boy and a poor girl and the conflicts that surrounds them both as a cause of their different social status;
b. love between a rich boy and a poor girl and the conflict that surrounds them both as a cause of their different social status and the boy's rich and spoiled female friend who happens to want him bad and will do anything to get him.
c. love between a rich boy and a poor girl and the conflict that surrounds them both as a cause of their different social status and the boy's rich and spoiled female friend who happens to want him bad and will do anything to get him; in addition to the boy's snotty mother who prefers the rich girl – of course - over the poor girl.
The boy would most usually be a text-book handsome guy by Indonesian standards and awfully rich, whereas the girl is innocent and wraith-like looking. She will have the tendency to cry a lot and to
What usually happens is that the boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, marries her and then another few characters (mom-in-law/rich female friend mom likes/evil uncle) come out of nowhere to stand in between the star-crossed lovers and do EVERYTHING in their power to ruin the relationship. In most cases, the story will go on forever and more
These so-called love sinetrons are usually titled "Jelita," or, "Cinta," or, "Maimunah." In case you are wondering, those are the names of the main protagonists, none other than the poor abused girl. This is a result of the
Sinetrons are made to suit for different target audience. There are several sinetrons available for Indonesian teenagers, usually depicting the lives of high school students and their puppy love stories, which always involve a rich and menacingly jealous school mate who tries to bully their friends just because they can.
The average Indonesian audience has started to notice that these sinetrons do not offer a positive aspect. Now, they are demanding that production houses create educational sinetrons that contain wisdom and important messages.
The current trend of sinetrons in Indonesia today are mostly religious – that is, almost all the female characters wear headscarves and the male wear peci (A peci is a cap of Indonesian Muslim origin, in the shape of a truncated cone, similar to fez but almost always made of black felt) all the time.
The story will revolve around a good Muslim girl – again, innocent and wraith-like and powerless to defend herself - and her filthy rich boyfriend who marries her to form a happy family with lots of children. Suffice to say, these new sinetrons are deemed very educational and contains wisdom and important messages.
Just recently, Indonesian sinetrons have been taking advantage of the success of some Indonesian movies, such as Arisan and Ayat-ayat Cinta. Arisan has been aired on ANTV and it has respectively maintained the same cinematographic quality that was essentially shown in the movie. Where as Munajah Cinta – the story of a Muslim man with his two wives who are played by Zaskia Adya Mecca and Rianti Cartwright (who starred in Ayat-ayat Cinta), is simply telling about the life of a polygamist and the conflict between the two wives.
Indonesian sinetrons are generally low-budget and they are heavily supported for commercial purposes, so there aren't much thought and effort spent on improving the cinematographic experience or the story.
The typical image quality of a sinetron is similar to a home video which is shot by a digital video camera, as opposed to the proper 35mm camera which is the American standard of television series. The actors hired in commercial sinetrons are usually newcomers from talent quests who possess good-looking appearance over all, which is a prerequisite, instead of acting talent.
Behold the typical Indonesian sinetrons:
1. Religious sinetron – shows typical Muslim family in which almost all of the characters wear Islamic attires such as headscarves or hijab for women and peci for men.
2. Love sinetrons – about love story between a boy and a girl. The recent trend for these sinetrons is to copy the style and story from Korean or Japanese soap operas, or even Japanese comic, which is evident from the sinetron titled "Candy".
3. Love sinetrons for ABG (Anak Baru Gede - teenyboppers) – sinetrons depicting love stories in the lives of teenyboppers, usually still in high school. What is most definite about these sinetrons is that none of the characters seem too intent on their studies, instead they obsess about their love lives.
4. Punjab-style sinetrons – These are 100% Indian sinetrons, in every aspect. From the cinematography, the music (with the sitar playing), the dubbing, and the fighting scenes. Except that it is in Indonesian and played by Indonesian amateurish actors. These types of sinetrons are usually aired late at night.
5. Comedy sinetrons – can be varied from dirty sinetrons heavily ridden in sexual innuendos, starring amateurish actors; to daily lives of children – often too over the top – which actually makes no sense as the children involved are usually smarter than the adults, thus making the adults in the sinetron the butt of the jokes.
Stuff Indonesians Like #10: Malls
Indonesians love Malls. We think it's God's second greatest gift to mankind after rice.
Americans might think their malls are awesome, but they are sadly mistaken, because what we have is simply awsomer.
We have adjacent hotels and apartments in some of our malls, one has a water park, a giant climbing wall, another has an ice skating rink and a gigantic Marrygold Clock (every hour on the hour the Seiko clock opens up and visitors are serenaded by a 6-figure orchestra), some have bowling alleys, offices, internet cafes while most have gaming centers, mosques, churches and fitness centers/gyms. But all of them have movie theaters, supermarkets, beauty salons, restaurants, cafes, bars/clubs, foodcourts and banks. When your feet aches from all the walking and shopping, there is even a mall with a foot reflexology treatment center!
What is also important for those who could not bother with finding a parking space, there is almost always valet parking service in our malls. Our malls also provide call service for our drivers to pick us up wherever it is we are waiting in, and to call someone we are meeting or kids we have lost along our shopping frenzy.
Not only do we have high fashion and family malls, we have malls that cater to those wanting to buy replica watches, fake designer label items, pirated DVDs, handicrafts, computers, pirated softwares, traditional Indonesian medicines and potions, prescription medicines without the prescription, cell phones and a myriad of other items. We have absolutely everything in our malls that we could literally spend our entire day and night in malls.
It is clear that malls have become a center of or human interaction for Indonesians in general, but not only that, malls have even become a place where you can find a date! Most of us dress to kill when they go to malls, even the attached ones, for the sole purpose to be seen and to be drooled over.
Indonesian girls are blessed with good genes, but imagine good genes in skimpy outfts and flawless make-up! Gorgeous Indonesians girls like these are abundant in our malls, and they come in every size, shape and age. There is one (or four) for every man.
Office workers choose malls as the place to relax an unwind after a long day of work. Most office workers wait in malls for the traffic to subside before heading home. Business people also conduct business meetings and sometimes business deals in malls. It is always impressive to bring a prospective client to one of the many plush cafes or restaurants in our malls.
White people might think that a mall is where to go when they need to buy stuff, whether groceries, shoes, clothes, perfumes or leopard printed faux-suede handcuffs; but it is the Indonesians that have turned the art of malls for shopping into something else. We have invented 'malls as a way of life' and we have given a new meaning to 'one-stop shopping'.
Some of us have turned to Malls for answers, turning it into a religion with devout followers. Mall is a fun religion where you get to worship in a cool air conditioned atmosphere, amongst beautiful people and breathe delightful brand-new smelling air
We have turned malls to recreational centers where we cheerfully spend our weekends and every single one of our public holidays because, yes, our malls are open 24/7, from 9 in the morning until 10 in the evening. Why go to a boring beach or mountain or national park or go sightseeing when we can go to malls and have more fun?
China might have the Great wall of China, America might have the Grand Canyon, Paris might have the Eiffel Tower and Rome might have the leaning tower of Pisa, but we have something better; Jakarta has Senayan City, Plaza Grande, Mall Taman Anggrek, Pondok Indah Mall, Plaza Indonesia/Plaza EX, Citos and or course, Jalan Casablanca that will soon be turned as a shopping street, our way of saying 'Eat your heart out Orchard Road!' (Singapore's famous shopping street)
That is why Indonesians love malls with a vengeance.
Stuff Indonesians Like #11: Eurasians
Anonymous had suggested that Indonesians like Eurasians and I concur.
Eurasians or what Indonesians call 'Indo' are a product of an Asian/Indonesian and Caucasian marriage/relationship. Most of these racially mixed products are aesthetically pleasing, or in layman's term, easy on the eyes.
Indonesians do not only like these Indos but we absolutely looooooove them.
Having mixed heritage in Indonesia is like winning the genetic pool lottery. Good looking female Indos may not have to work hard in their whole life. All they have to do is to sit there and be pretty and wait for a rich pejabat (Indonesian government official) or businessman to sweep them off their feet and make them their mistress/second wife/first wife.
As a cause of Indonesians' love for anything and anyone racially mixed (not just dogs and cats), many Indonesians aspire to marry those from the Caucasian race just to have good looking kids they call "The Next Indonesian Top Model" and by the next Indonesian top model I mean, "mommy's meal ticket when things go sour between mommy and daddy and we are sent back to bloody jakarta/tegal/pekalongan/[..insert kampung name here..] with nothing but the clothes on our backs".
Indonesians' love for Indos are so deep that many of us do everything in our power to look like one. This includes nose jobs, other plastic surgery procedures that will give us Eurasian features, dying our hair blond, constantly wearing colored contact lenses and usage of dangerous whitening creams to make our skin fair just like them Indos.
Indonesians love Indo so much that they can have an IQ of 70, a brain the size of a peanut, zero talent but if they are goodlooking they will be rich and famous by way of becoming movie stars or models or singers or tv stars and produce shows or songs which will be loved and bought by native Indonesians.
All this is just because we like to see beautiful things, and we like to sweep ugly things under the rug.
Stuff Indonesians Like #12: Pirated DVDs
We Indonesians love Pirated DVDs.
As a country with the largest rate of copyright infringement (behind China and Vietnam), we love the fact that all those blockbuster movies coming out in the theatres could easily be purchased as cheap as Rp6000 (0.63 US cents).
An Indonesian (pirated) movie buff attitude when one sees an interesting movie trailer is to take note of the title and look for them later when they visit the DVD stalls. We have money, but we'd prefer to spend it on other imports such as Starbucks and McDonalds. "Why pay more if you can do so for less?" is our motto!
Pirated DVD stalls are easily available in various areas; from traditional markets to the low-end Malls (which we typically call ITC or International Trade Centre). With the DVDs being pirated, outsiders may question that their quality must be poor.
Fortunately, the always innovative and ingenious DVD sellers have come up with a brilliant solution! A typical DVD stall would always have two sets of TV+DVD Player and sound system where the buyers could always decide for themselves whether the DVD's audio and visual imagery worths their pocket. Us Indonesians are famous for our innovative ways.
A DVD stall would typically have the hundreds of titles categorised in various groups: West (English-language movies), New Release (movies that has just come out in the theatres), Asian (consists of Korean, Japanese, and Taiwanese dramas), TV Series (Western TV series such as Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy), and MP3 (CDs containing hundreds of MP3 songs).
The last category mentioned above (MP3) is not recommended for buying. A buyer would typically test only five songs that he/she likes most, without realising that the remaining hundred of songs he/she has not tried are not as good in quality.
But wait a minute.
There isn't any category of Indonesian movies, why is that?
You may think that the quality of Indonesian film quality is freaking poor that it doesn't deserve to be pirated in the first place (correct), but the public prefers to argue otherwise.
A friend of mine once told me that the Indonesian movie pirates prefer to respect Indonesian filmmakers as not to create an unnecessary imbalance in the societal entertainment needs. But this kind of "respect" has got reversed over the last several months with the release of the highly popular religious-themed Ayat-Ayat Cinta last March, which has led to the many, many Indonesian movie piracy, and many more religious-themed movies.
Some may question if there is any law in Indonesia that threatens penalty for copyright violators. Well there sure is, we had one bill passed a couple years back, but I'm sure people and the lawmakers have forgotten about it. It must be in a dark dusty shelf, all lonely and forgotten somewhere because, believe it or not, there is actually a pirated DVD stall erected right in front of a police station in East Jakarta (the police district's initial is PG, you can check it for yourself if you happen to recognise the initial).
Indonesian law enforcers are so lax when it comes to applying their own rules, so it should not come as a surprise if you see any of those policemen buying the pirated DVDs for themselves. "Just Because we can!" is another motto we Indonesians have.
The movies available in the stalls need not be the ones that have come out in Indonesian theatres: I noticed one example of the Academy Award-winning Juno, which came out in the Jakarta theatres in June 2008 and has been available in pirated forms since as early January the same year. Yes, we are wonderful magicians too!
All of this DVD-pirating business lowers the revenue for Indonesian cinematic enterprises but who cares? We Indonesians thrive on the fact that we could purchase such an overtly cheap entertainment and being able to watch them at our comfort (within the Play and Pause buttons) at home, with our cassava chips, rujaks, gado-gado and our maid that is on stand-by waiting for our next order.
Stuff Indonesians Like #13: Posing
Indonesians all secretly want to become models, even ones that has no chance or looks or talents whatsoever. The current digital camera phone technology has opened the doors wider for the even the most average of the average Jokos™ and Inems to realise their dreams of becoming models, even to just publish it in their friendster profiles.
The Indonesians' dreams of becoming models is the reason why we love to strike a pose, whether just to stand around and talk to one another, or for pictures.
When you look at a friendster/multiply/facebook or any other social networking site photos of an Indonesian, what you will notice first is their pose. In some (mostly girls, although there are some guy exceptions), what will first
Posing with pouty lips is a favorite among Indonesian girls (and some guys) from all social status. Socialites to the slutty celebs, even normal average teenagers do the same, with some daring ones who try to imitate the queen of posing (and lazy eye), paris hilton or the queens of trout lips, the olsen twins.
Here are just some of the examples of pouty lip posing for the camera done by socialites,
here is one by a
here is a group of pretty indonesian girls, again pouting,
and, an Indonesian guy who pouts,
The dream of becoming a successful model is so deeply embedded in Indonesians that some of us may become delusional as a result, and think that we are the next batch of Mr. Universe (or pretty boy band). These handsome future models below is the solid proof of how Indonesians love to pose.
*pictures taken from various sources in the web, if anyone reading is the rightful owner of the pictures, and objects the use of their pictures here, please contact blog owner to have it removed.
Stuff Indonesians Like #14: Cheating
This is an entry from Toshi, whose blog you can find HERE. It's a bit different from the other articles that are usually silly and sarcastic. Toshi is a more accomplished writer whose writing is generally very informative. Enjoy reading!
Indonesians are basically natural-born cheaters. Even our own language says a lot about it.
For the word “cheating”, the Indonesian language has five variations that each has a different connotation. There is “menjiplak” (to plagiarise), “menyontek” (cheating on an exam), “selingkuh” (cheating on your spouse), “menipu” (to cheat someone) and “curang” (deceitful).
For the purpose of a standardisation in this blog entry, I would like to use the term “cheating” as to mean the entire five of them.
First, we Indonesians cheat on exams (menyontek). Whenever you come across any Indonesian you know, ask him/her if they have done any cheating at school. If he/she answers “No”, then there is a 99% possibility that he/she is lying. It is not really a matter of honesty really, nor is it meant as a measure to show that our standard of intelligence is low.
Rather, it is more of a habit that one picks from the surrounding environment. This habit begets a strong kind of “solidarity” between the smartest pupils and their not-so-bright peers; they make a solid teamwork during examinations.
As far as I know, even the top achievers in the Indonesian classrooms could also succumb to the temptation of cheating once in a while; because there must be one or two subjects that they do not excel in. The smart geek may not excel in his Arts subject and as a result, he looks for an artistic student to 'help' him in his Art grades for exchange for Math answers.
Does this in anyway reflect how 'adept' Indonesian students are in deceiving their teachers?
No!
As a matter of fact, I've seen myself how lax it is for teachers in Indonesia in invigilating examinations.
In China (where entering college has the utmost reputation for a student), there are known stories of how CCTVs are installed in the exam hall venues just for the sake of enforcing honesty. There is also the penalty of prison terms for those PRC Chinese who get caught cheating, and in Singapore, a student caught cheating in a national examination could be banned for eight years from getting educated in a Singaporean institution.
What about Indonesia?
Most of the time, it's simply a matter of how you could 'please' the teacher concerned.
While it is forbidden for Singaporean students to exchange “erasers” during exams, Indonesian students could easily exchange “erasers” with their peers even with the full view of the invigilators, from which one could see that the answer to question number 15 is C, the answer to question number 20 is A and etc.
The cheating called “menyontek” which we had 'studied' at school in turn gives us an adequate skill we could use in real life.
A prominent example could be seen in our sinetron (soap operas). We are very used to copy a large number of soap opera and other titles from foreign sources in Korea, Taiwan, Japan, and USA, which you could see for yourself here. Some of the entertainments industries may claim that the copyrights have been 'bought', but does that mean that 'adapting' is a better term than 'copying'?
Whether those titles were copied or adapted, they still show how uncreative we Indonesians are in creating entertainment, as a direct result of the cheating culture we nurtured at school.
Another example could be seen when you accidentally leave a handbag containing a wallet and mobile phone in a taxi.
Now experience tells me that whenever a taxi driver returns a wallet containing a large sum of money and an expensive mobile phone, the person to whom the handbag belongs always make sure that he/she thanks the driver and showers him with praise in the “Readers' Letter” section in the morning papers.
Why is it so?
Because such cases of honesty are very rare to be found in Indonesia!
Let me tell you a real story of mine, and this happened twelve years ago when I was 6.
My father once told me how I had accidentally left an SLR camera (which belongs to my uncle) in a Downtown Richmond bus in Virginia, USA. We waited patiently in the bus stop we halted because we were sure that there is a 90% possibility that the SLR camera could return to us.
How did the story end?
Yes, the bus driver himself did return it to us.
I just thank God that my Dad remembered the bus and the driver that he was able to approach him and ask for the camera back.
Now ask yourself if a similar case happened in any Indonesian bus (Metro Mini or Transjakarta)… Could the SLR camera be returned to you?
The answer will be “Sayonara” to the camera, I say.
Let me get to the last point of today's topic, which is being deceitful (curang).
A very useful 'skill' that stems from the cheating habit we learned at school is also the fact that our politicians are very used to accepting briberies. While in China politicians are executed and in Japan they commit hara-kiri for their acts of disgrace; Indonesian politicians are very used to create scandals by 'redirecting' the investment money they receive from outside sources and use it for their own illicit means, such as by purchasing condominium units in Singapore, opening a Swiss bank account and having frequent nights with prostitutes.
Then in turn, those same politicians make sure they cover their own acts of disgrace by passing anti-corruption and anti-pornography bills, in order to create a holier-than-thou kind of image to their constituents while at the same time, continue their illegal activities behind closed curtains with their brawny bodyguards keeping sentry on a 24/7 basis.
Stuff Indonesians Like #15: Name Dropping
If there is one thing we like more than sambal (tr. chili sauce) it's name dropping.
Indonesians, well, Jakartans to be exact, love to name drop. It's one of the things in life that's free and will impress the person we are speaking to.
This article is a piece to teach you how to name drop like a pro.
Now imagine you are in a party, or a wedding reception, or in a crowd where there are a lot of people you think look and sound more impressive than you do. What to do? Don't despair! One trick that can help you with your confidence and change what people think of you is to name drop someone famous you know.
Of course, this only works effectively if you happen to know this person you are about to name drop.
If you are a Jakartan, this is not too hard. If you are a South Jakartan it's not hard at all. If you are a social South Jakartan who went to one or more cool schools and at one point of your life was a party animal/lived overseas (choose one, better if you have experienced both) and you speak one (or more) foreign languages, this just became a lot easier.
However, if you are part of the Jakartan 'Tatler tartelettes', have more clothes than Rebecca Bloomwood and shop at all the shops frequented by Serena Vanderwoodsen and Blair Waldorf, you need not do any name droppings because it's usually YOUR name that people drop in conversations (and you have no business reading this blog).
Now, back to the imagination.
You see a group of well clothed Jakartans, your friend, the girl who invited you takes your hand and introduces you to those people. You clam up, you feel shy and unconfident in your new Zara dress and pumps (one that you bought after saving for it for three months, due to the unbelievably expensive price tags once it entered the Indonesian market) and you try oh so very hard to clinch your Mangga Dua bag hoping nobody will notice it.
You observe and listen in to their conversation, and then someone mentions a well known celebrity who just happens to be: your childhood neighbor/a friend of your brother's/a schoolmate of yours/an ex girlfriend of a friend/someone you met at a rave/a friend from AA/your rich uncle's mistress/someone you had threesome with.
JACKPOT! Now you too can join in the conversation. What's good is if you have dirt on the celebrity, or if you can make up a believable dirt on the said celebrity.
But it doesn't just stop there. You have to master the art of 'story telling'. You need to be able to sell what you are saying as to make people believe what you say.
How to do it? Well, you need to be indifferent when telling the story. No gushing at the sound of the celebrity's name even if he is a hunk of meat that you would jump at the first chance. You need to be cool as a cucumber and act as if the names you drop don't matter to you, like you're not impressed by them. This will make you appear as if you are 'in' and 'in the know' at the same time.
Even better is if you can name drop real people with real achievements as opposed to beautiful celebrities that are nothing but glorified blow up dolls. Name dropping a person with real achievements will make you appear as if you have achieved something too to be able to know and or mingle with that person.
The best is to be able to name drop various names from various groups. Celebs, real people with achievements, socialites, rich Jakartans, 'Tatler tartellettes' etc. Remember, name drop with ease but be believable and indifferent. Like popularity or how people view you is unimportant to you.
What also does wonders is to drop a few foreign words along with your conversation, just make sure they are grammatically correct and you need to practice your pronunciation as to not make you seem like a fool. French impresses the middle to upper class much more than English, but when speaking to middle to lower class people, English is enough, as they are convinced that the correct way to pronounce Carrefour (a french hypermarket chain) is 'care-four' and not 'karfur' like the way it should be. Your French googling will be lost to these imbeciles.
But remember, you must avoid at all costs name dropping people you don't know at all. You must have a legitimate connection, however slight it may be. It's your credibility you are betting on, and once people find out you lie, your whole cred will go down the drains and it will be next to impossible to penetrate the world of the fascinatingly stupid, ignorant and superficial.
When you have mastered the art of name dropping, you will see doors being opened to you and new opportunities will rise. So good luck and do not forget to comment here when you have practiced what you have learned!
Ps: sorry for the images taken without permission, for removal, please contact the blog owner.
